Common Parenting Challenges After Separation in NSW (and How to Handle Them)
Separation is rarely simple, especially when children are involved. Even with parenting arrangements in place, day-to-day issues often arise that can cause stress, conflict, or confusion. From one parent constantly texting and calling, to missed visits, to concerns about substance use or negative comments around the children, these challenges are unfortunately common.
In NSW, the guiding principle is always the best interests of the child. That means the Court expects parents to cooperate, maintain healthy boundaries, and create an environment that allows children to feel safe, stable, and supported.
In this blog, we’ll explore some of the most common parenting challenges after separation and explain how family law addresses them, so you know what steps you can take if these issues arise in your own situation.
1. My ex is constantly texting and calling to ask what I am doing and what the kids are doing
Shared decision-making or good co-parenting does not require parents to consult or communicate about day-to-day issues. You do not need to always know what the other parent and child/ren are doing when the children are not in your care. You do not need to know if the other parent is occasionally working late and gets a babysitter. You probably do not need to know if the other parent administers Panodol to the child for a minor headache. We know it can be hard to not hear from the kids or to not be involved with them every day, but ultimately, good co-parenting involves trusting the other parent to look after the children during their time and respecting the children’s time with the other parent. If your ex-partner is not respecting boundaries and is constantly contacting you – then it is time to talk to us and let us help you set proper boundaries and get some orders around communication. If an ex is only contacting you to know what you are doing or to monitor the whereabouts of you and the children – then this is not co-parenting! It is controlling behaviour and is not acceptable. Set clear rules around how and what you communicate about and stick to it. If communication is emotive, controlling or difficult – insist that everything must be in writing or use a parenting app.
2. I am concerned that my ex might take the children overseas and not return
Please tell us immediately if you are concerned about this. We can seek orders or negotiate orders that prevent the children from leaving the country and place them on a watchlist. We can also negotiate orders around who holds passports and under what circumstances overseas travel might be permitted. If you are considering allowing the other parent to travel overseas with the children, we recommend that you only allow same if they are travelling to a country that is a signature to the Hague Convention and countries that have a low travel safety risk.
3. My ex keeps bad mouthing me to the children
Children should never be caught in the middle of conflict between parents. If your ex-partner is criticising you in front of the children or making negative comments about you when they are in their care, this can cause significant emotional harm. It undermines the child’s relationship with you, confuses them, and can create loyalty conflicts that affect their wellbeing.
The Family Law Act requires that parents support their children’s relationship with the other parent, unless there are clear risks to the child’s safety. Courts take a dim view of one parent actively alienating or speaking badly about the other. In some cases, persistent bad-mouthing can influence the Court’s decision about who the children live with, as it shows an inability to put the children’s needs first.
If this is happening, it’s important to keep records of what has been said or reported to you by the children. We can help you raise these concerns in a safe and structured way and, if necessary, seek parenting orders that promote respectful communication and protect your children from being exposed to harmful conflict.
👉 To learn more in depth about property settlements in family law, read our Parenting Family Law Brochure.
4. My ex won’t let me speak to the kids when they’re in their care
After separation, it’s natural to want to stay connected to your children, even when they’re spending time with the other parent. Unless there is a specific Court order limiting or preventing communication, children should generally be able to call or video chat with the other parent. Blocking this entirely can be unfair to the children and may not align with the principle of supporting meaningful relationships with both parents.
That said, communication should not be constant or intrusive. The goal is to allow children to maintain their bond with both parents, without disrupting their time or creating additional stress. If your ex is refusing all contact, or if they are making communication unnecessarily difficult, it may be a sign that your current arrangements are not working.
We can assist you by negotiating or seeking orders that establish clear and reasonable rules around communication. These might include specific times or conditions for phone or video calls, ensuring that your children can stay connected while maintaining healthy boundaries.
5. My ex isn't turning up for their time with the kids
Consistency and reliability are critical for children’s stability and emotional wellbeing. When a parent regularly fails to turn up for their scheduled time, it can leave children feeling rejected, disappointed, and unsettled. It can also create extra stress for the other parent, who may be left scrambling to rearrange their day at short notice.
If this is happening frequently, it may indicate that the current parenting arrangements are not realistic or in the best interests of the children. The Court expects parents to be reliable and to honour their commitments. Repeated no-shows may also be seen as failing to prioritise the children’s needs.
We can help you review the current arrangements and consider whether changes are necessary. This might involve adjusting the schedule to reflect the other parent’s actual capacity or, in some cases, seeking orders that reduce or restructure their time if the inconsistency is harming the children. Our priority will always be to ensure your children have stability and certainty in their routine.
6. My ex is drinking or using illegal substances around the children
Your children’s safety must come first. If you believe that your ex-partner is consuming alcohol or using drugs while caring for the children, this is a very serious concern. Exposure to this behaviour can put children at risk of harm and may affect their emotional wellbeing, physical safety, and development.
Family law recognises that substance misuse can directly impact parenting capacity. If you raise these concerns, the Court may require evidence such as police reports, drug and alcohol testing (including hair follicle testing), or medical records. In high-risk situations, supervised time can be ordered, or restrictions may be placed on the parent until they demonstrate a period of sobriety and stability.
If you are facing this issue, it’s important to document your concerns carefully. Keep a record of incidents, take note of behaviour changes in the children, and gather any evidence available. We can then help you take swift and effective steps through the Court system to protect your children, while ensuring that any parenting arrangements reflect their best interests and safety.
Moving Through Parenting Challenges with Support
Parenting after separation often comes with unexpected challenges. The key is recognising when behaviour is no longer normal co-parenting and when it crosses into being harmful, controlling, or unsafe for your children. If you are facing issues like constant unwanted communication, missed parenting time, or serious risks involving violence or substance use, it’s vital to document what is happening. Keep detailed records of texts, missed visits, or incidents so you have clear evidence if legal steps are needed.
Staying aware and proactive can make all the difference in protecting your children and strengthening your position. And you don’t have to manage it alone.
At Allwright Bourke Lawyers & Conveyancing, we provide compassionate, practical advice to help you address parenting challenges before they escalate. We’ll guide you through setting boundaries, gathering evidence, and when necessary, seeking orders that protect your children’s best interests. With the right support, you can move forward with confidence and peace of mind. Get expert legal support today by reaching out to us at admin@allwrightbourke.com.au or give us a call at 1300 225 297 (1300 ABL AWS).